One Year Ago Today

I'm unsure if today or yesterday marks one year since the car crash that killed my brother.  To me in New Zealand it was yesterday but for my family in the States it was today.  In a way it was comforting to be so far away, nothing familiar to bring the memories of this week last year to the surface.  No definite date to mourn.  So I decided to read a few of the posts I wrote about Ben throughout the year, you know, just to make sure I relived those memories today.  All joking aside, one struck me as very interesting.  I said that I wished it would rain.  That the sunny, blue skies in the week that followed Ben's death defied the feelings of sadness our family was enduring.  Well, today it rained.  For hours.  I'm sure this is not unusual for Auckland but for me it was fitting. 

My family in the States visited Ben's now marked grave, released balloons, sang, prayed, and enjoyed dinner together.  I'm sure they visited Drew's bench with the lone golf ball placed next to it as well.  Me, I scrolled past the pictures I snapped with my iphone of the boy's graves and hoped for healing for our family and a better year starting on March 6, 2012.  I celebrate the fact that Justin and I are living in New Zealand and realizing a dream we thought unattainable.  However, I grieve so many things from the past year.